All Deliberate Speed
by Perhelediel
Summary: Fai D. Fluorite is not usually one to wish for death. [Faicentric] [SPOILERS: Chapter 125]


_Author's Note:_ Hey guys! Here I am, back with a new fandom...Tsubasa! Anyway, let me warn you that _anyone who is following the American publication of the manga_ will be severely spoiled by this fic. **Spoilers for chapter 125 and a reference to something in chapter 160**. Enjoy!

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_ALL DELIBERATE SPEED._

You know, I haven't been one to berate myself for...well, a long time. But I think it needs to be said this time.

I deserve this pain.

And no. I'm not saying this to gain pity. I'm not saying this to feel sorry for my sorry self. I'm not even saying it, really. In fact, I haven't opened my eyes yet. Better to be the quiet little eavesdropper in a situation like this.

I do deserve it. I do.

Yuui deserves this. Me. If I were to wish this kind of thing on my given namesake, on Fai, I'd want to die even more than I do right now.

_So it brings us back to this_

_Something's got to give_

"There's nothing I can do. His eyeball has been completely gouged out. In a case like this, it's entirely possible he could simply die of shock..."

Then Mokona's sad little voice.

When I keep my eyes closed like this, it's almost like being able to forget one of them is weeping its life blood from under my eyelid.

"But...what will happen to Fai?"

It's an agony that doesn't just stop at the surface, as most things do. Torn out from the root, somewhere deep behind where my mind seems to be. It's a pain that follows me, pounds through my head.

"Yuko...Yuko!"

Bandages.

They are discussing my survival above my head. Feh.

I made a promise to Syaoran, yes. But I cannot deny that my faith in him has been somewhat shaken. To see a boy I had grown to...to...

No. Someone like me, using that most precious of words in regards to anyone else? I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

To see a boy I had...grown to trust, to rely on, with that wild look in his eyes and a cold, instinctual fear in my gut before all went black...

Now it seems there really is no point. There is no more following the young man from Clow, searching for dear Sakura's memories. There is no more wondering whether the brooding figure in black could truly be the comrade I'd never had, or allowed myself to have. Once again, I am a fugitive. This time...a fugitive who's been cornered at last by a death that was sure to come for me anyway.

_So are you listening?_

_Or are you coming around again?_

If I can...allow myself to say that each of them have become like family to me...

That I love them...

Syaoran-kun. Sakura-chan. Kuro-puu. Mokona.

"D...don't..."

Words taste strange in my mouth. But I'm sure they've heard me this time. No more hiding and listening.

If I can admit that I love all four of them...can't I at least make things easier for them as a parting gift?

"If I'm still alive, Syaoran's magic will also live on," I manage. "It's only half the magic, but...it's still too great for him to ever be stopped..."

"Fai!"

Mokona is beside himself. Poor guy.

A hollow crack, and a roar.

"What the hell can you be thinking, to just resign yourself to that?!"

...Kurogane.

The pain doubles. He's got me held by the collar. The weight of my limp body pulling on the skin around the eye that is no longer there...

I deserve it, remember?

"Kurogane, don't!"

I open my eyes. Feels strange, doesn't it? To open both my eyes but only be allowed half of the vision...

"I'm sorry," I say. My smile isn't working any magic on Kurogane's livid face. Ashura-ou...truly...

"Hey, witch," he says, more to me than to Yuko's presence in Mokona's beam of light only inches away. "Is there a way to save him?"

"...there is a price," she replies.

Figures.

_All deliberate speed..._

_Maybe you've been contemplating_

_Is this real or is this fading?_

_What brought you here in the first place?_

Kurogane has let go of my collar. I shut my eyes quickly again, trying to distance myself from the feeling of his arm around my shoulders, holding me against him with my legs still on the cot, under the cool sheets beside Sakura-chan.

The idiot. And I say that lightly. Kuro-puu has never been one to accept things quietly.

More negotiation above me. The pain is subsiding just slightly. Mm. Perhaps if they keep this up, I'll slip away before he can do something stupid. It'd serve him...me...right.

They've come to some sort of agreement. I feel Mokona's vague weight against my hand, a wonderfully soft last sensation before I give in to the numbness creeping into the corners of my mind...

Slipping away...it feels nice...

But to make sure, I should...

_____Everyone around us screams_

_____"It's got to be" and "It's got to hit you"_

"No...don't," I whisper.

"SHUT UP!"

Kurogane's shout makes my heart skip a beat. Mokona's warmth has left my hand, in his startlement.

I look up, not caring that emotion is playing all over my face this time. I'm too tired to hide it now. If he didn't know how much I cared for him before, he'll know now, and I can escape before anything more comes of it.

Kuro-puu's black hair is disheveled, one or two strands falling into his livid, red-brown eyes. And he's staring at me with murder in those eyes, though I cannot imagine why. My head and shoulders are still held fast against him, his strong arm shaking me.

_____Well, you and me..._

_____Well, we could change the world._

"If you want to die so badly," he seethes. "Then I'll kill you."

Mokona cries some distance away.

"So until then, keep quiet," he orders me.

He wants to save my life. He wants to keep me around. Like no person in their right mind should.

Then again, I suppose...there is someone out there who cherishes my life more than I do.

And for now, that'll have to do.

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___**END.**_

___Totally random, but hey. Had fun. Love reviews!! Please leave them!_


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